I came back from my search of Unknown yesterday morning and I have posted a travelogue of the same on BCMTouring, which you can read here In Search of Unknown, Gangolihat.
Fact is, I didn’t find the Unknown I was looking for and this trip has been a whirlwind of thoughts and contemplations. Thoughts which didn’t leave me alone for even short while and ones which have kept me awake most of the time.
Truth be told, I am at a juncture in my life where I only know that I love a handful of people who are in my life and have a passion for writing and photography. Apart from this, I am not really sure about anything anymore and in a way, I do not seem to care about anything else anymore.
For life is strange and at times brutal, and I feel detached from it one moment and connected the other. I seem to enjoy the solitude as I watch the clouds float by and I also enjoy others enjoying and partying at a club while I sit alone at my table and smile at their happiness and get drowned in music for a little while. Funnily enough, now I can write sitting at both places while earlier I couldn’t in public.
However, I feel now more drawn towards solitude and I seem to enjoy pushing the boundaries of what my body can endure, whether it is lack of sleep and food or whether it is traveling long and hard. For I seem to think better when I am tired and hungry, for some reason I concentrate better that way and feel more connected with my thoughts.
While I do not yet know who this Unknown is that I am looking for and whether it is God, a person or even my thoughts, I only know that I long for it, for I feel I belong to that Unknown and each step I take, should lead me towards it, no matter how lost I become or how I detached I become to things and people I love.
Maybe this poem I wrote last night is the nearest I have come to finding that Unknown or maybe it just another wayward thought, whatever it is, it came from inside.
It is time to go wild and return to the wild,
The call which is now becoming clearer,
The call to return to become hermit i have always been,
To leave the world and walk into the unknown,
To become the unknown I have always been to world,
To walk on the wild side and slowly return to the roots,
To become the wild that I have always been inside,
To walk on the wild side and slowly complete the transformation which has only just begun,
To live in the wild and contemplate mysteries of nature,
To dare the gods and ask for the death I deserve,
Or the fate that they reserve for the hermit of my size,
For I now challenge gods with each trip I do to find the unknown,
The unknown which is lurking inside me and begging to be released outside,
For he is the one who belongs outside and I belongs inside,
For I am the prison of the hermit inside.