State of The Sarkar, September 2019

September begins; this has traditionally been a month of extremes for me. On one hand, this was the month when I first travelled to Ladakh in 2005 and have done quite a few such exciting trips and achieved some good as well. On the other hand, this month has brought quite a few tragedies, including the death of my father, 9 years ago. Therefore, I look forward to it with a cautious reserve.

yogesh-sarkar During August, especially the second half, I did not work out regularly nor did I pay due attention to my diet. Moreover, I have been drinking rather regularly. Still, I managed to lose 1.8 kg weight, bringing my weight down to 111.8 kg and total weight loss to 16 kg, since April. My weight is also half a kg less than what it was in September 2017. Now my jeans are baggy and even once tight t-shirts seem rather loose. Due to this, I had to place an order for a new pair of jeans yesterday.

I read a lot of books this month; The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Sorrows of Young Werther, Sons and Lovers, Tess of the D’Urbervilles, Jude the Obscure, Away from The Madding Crowd and I am currently reading The Woman in White. I am sure I missing out on another couple of books I read, I just don’t remember.

I finally did a monsoon trip in August and travelled to Ranikhet in Kumaon. It was a fabulous trip and I enjoyed it quite a bit and tried to be active there, though I am still mending the blisters I got from uncomfortable shoes during the trip.

Sadly though, at least a couple of more trips were cancelled due to one or another reason, including the one I was supposed to undertake yesterday.

I was supposed to travel to Ladakh for the 10th time in September, with the flights having been booked since January.

A trip I had been looking forward to for a while. A trip that I have lately known would only occur if a miracle occurred. However, miracles do not happen, at least not for me. Therefore, the Ladakh trip has been cancelled, even though I cannot cancel flight tickets and I will be free around that time. I am yet to decide, on what to do with that week. Maybe I’ll travel elsewhere or maybe I’ll stay in Delhi, only time will tell.

August had been a month of realignments as well. For the past few years, I had dreamt of something, either I did not pay much attention to earlier on or it was not a huge consideration for me. However, recent and past events have shown me, I am not made for it. Therefore, I have been shifting my focus away from it and telling myself to stop thinking and dreaming about it. it isn’t easy to do that.

However, everyone has a purpose in life, I would like to believe, I am supposed to be the brush and maybe even the pen of the almighty to highlight the beauty all around us. Nothing more and nothing less.

However, believing in anything is hard now, especially God. I am trying, though regularly failing.

The worst thing is, there is no fire left anymore and neither hopes and dreams are there. Maybe, September will be the month I rediscover it, or maybe, it will just drag on. I am not sure.

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  1. Satish Kumar September 1, 2019

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