State of the Sarkar, October 2019

Yogesh Sarkar, you began writing this series in June 2019. And barely four months later, I am stepping into your shoes to update the website and write the State of Sarkar for October. You are no longer here, at least not in the physical world. Though your spirit lives on…

September has always been a mixed bag for you and me. You achieved a lot in September, and yet we had lost our father and uncle in September and ironically enough I have lost you too my brother, in the same month, taking the death toll to 3, your favorite number! It’s strange, it’s beyond comprehension and it’s certainly beyond my capacity not to let that cruel month destroy my entire life.

You were my sunshine, the silver lining in my clouded world. The ever sane cool head you carried on your shoulders and the best comfort I ever received from your frank honest yet considerate opinion is no longer mine. I have lost more than a brother. You were a part of my soul, my sounding board, my best friend, my mentor, my inspiration.

You were the light behind my creative endeavors. You were my viewfinder, through which I saw world. You were my sole reason to smile through adversity. As you bore my childish fantasies, grinned at my follies and indulged in my whims, I used to feel special, the special special sister, who can leave the worries of the practical world behind and revel in her virtual world. How lucky I was and how broken I feel now!

You left this world on 25th September and for the last one month, I am drifting as a rudderless boat, more directionless than ever. Every night I wonder if you are really gone! And every morning I hope my worst nightmare would be over and you would tease me once again with your relentless calling of Anu, Anu, Anu. How irritated I used to be, how angry at your calls… and now without your voice, without your smile, without your tantrums, I am feeling even angrier! Emotions are strange, illogical like me, maverick like you!

As the midnight dawns, 29th October is the first Bhaidooj, I would face without you on my side. How I used to pester you for selfies, how I used to tease you with a bigger tilak and how you used to stuff the whole chocolate in my mouth, only to irritate me and then laugh out loud!

Memories bombard me, and I am feeling buried beneath a thousand emotions, too stunned to cry and too numb to feel the pain. As I look at our last selfie together, I suddenly remembered that it was you who insisted in clicking photos this Rakhi, I was unwell and not in the mood. But you convinced me to have one, and now this is all I am left with!

So soon, so many things have changed, I don’t know how I would cope with what is left of life. It’s a struggle to be without you and yet I draw solace in the fact that you breathed your last in the place you loved the most. Ladakh had always been a second home for you, and now you have become a part of that land for good! Destiny has a strange way of fulfilling our dreams!!

State of the Sarkar is now immortal, never ending, omnipresent. Your legacy continues in this world Yogesh Sarkar. You, my creative genius, will always be present in this World with your firebrand photography, your zealous travelogues and your heartfelt words… you were you are you would always be my sunshine, love you bro… Anupama Sarkar

(Yogesh Sarkar left for heavenly abode on 25th September 2019, doing what he loved the most, photographing Pangong Tso in Ladakh… This article has been penned by his sister Anupama Sarkar in his loving memory… He may not be present physically, but his soul, his spirit, his words, his blog, his photos are here to mark his presence and always will be)